How To Host a Bachelorette Dinner Party

Or rather: how my friends hosted the perfect bachelorette dinner party for me.

Hi friends. Happy May! I love May—it’s my birthday month, it’s my wedding month, the tulips are blooming, and I’m currently still basking in the pink glow of the bachelorette dinner party my lady friends thew for me last weekend.

As someone who loves to host dinner parties, it can be hard for me to not help at a dinner party. But last weekend my friends wouldn’t let me. It was very good practice for me in receiving—something my therapist and I have been talking about a lot as I get ready for this wedding. They did such a good job of seamlessly hosting a night that made me feel loved, celebrated, and seen. It was the best gift this bride could ask for, and I received it all with open arms and yes, a few tears.

But I can’t resist a chance to do some giving, even if it’s just advice. So here I am, (forgive me) turning their gift into some content for you now, just in case you have a bachelorette party to host in your future. If so, here’s what you need to know to make it the best dinner party ever:

Ask The Bride For 3 Things

Though I wasn’t allowed to help plan my bachelorette party, I did get to give a bit of input on what I wanted. My friend Julia asked me to list the three most important things I hoped my party would entail. I said I wanted a dress-up theme, I didn’t want us to go out, and I wanted some kind of ritual that acknowledged the huge life transition ahead of me. At this late-thirties stage of life (and honestly, always) the most fun thing I can imagine doing is sitting around a table with my closest friends. I didn’t want the stress or expense of organizing a big group of ladies out on the town—I just wanted us all to be together and for it to feel special. My ladies hosted the party in my friend Hillary’s apartment in Brooklyn, and we were all very happy to be ensconced in her cozy and welcoming world.

My list helped shape the event into something my friends knew, without a doubt, I would be happy with. Ask your bride-to-be the same thing before you start planning. I promise it will make them feel incredibly well taken care of.

Set a Dress Code/Theme

Even if the bride doesn’t ask for it, a very specific dress code makes being a guest at any party, especially a bachelorette party, feel more unique and more fun. For my theme, I didn’t want it to be complicated (or expensive!) for my guests, so I picked a color theme of pink and red. My friends decorated the room with pink streamers and flowers to match the theme. Being surrounded by a sea of ladies in pink and red immediately made everything feel more festive. It also made us all want to take a lot of photos. It sent us back in time to being a giggling gaggle of little girls playing dress up together, when we used to all want to match each other exactly. No matter your age, I find there’s something that feels especially bonding and celebratory about matching with your tribe.

Don’t Cook Anything for Dinner

This one feels strange coming from me, right? Here’s the thing: the focus of a bachelorette party should be spending time together with your bride-to-be and closest friends and making it a special night to remember. At my party there were 13 women who had traveled from near and far to be together, and ordering family-style platters of dinner from an amazing local Lebanese restaurant meant we all got to spend more time catching up. My ladies put out decadent no-cook appetizers of my favorite cheeses, olives, and anchovies and Hillary made a gorgeous semifreddo in advance to serve for dessert. But between that, all they had to do was transfer the catering to platters to serve.

Making your own appetizers and dessert but ordering takeout or catering for dinner is a great way to still spend way less than you would on going out, have it feel homey and cozy, and make everything so much easier on yourself. It’s the perfect move when you’re hosting more than twelve for a bachelorette dinner party.

Prepare Toasts in Advance

Each of the women who came to my party was asked to prepare a toast for me to share around the dinner table. And they did, and they were some of the most heart-warming, tear-jerking, laugh-inducing, love-filled toasts I’ve ever received. Many of them wrote their toast out in full and read it out load so it would come out smoothly and perfectly polished. Some had notes or ideas of what they wanted to say but let it all come out naturally and spontaneously in the moment, which made it more emotionally raw. Both options are great, which you choose should depend on how comfortable you are with public speaking. Putting time and thought into what you want to say in advance makes the toasts so much more meaningful. Ask your guests to do the same, and you’ll be amazed with what they all come up with.

Include an Element (or Three) of Surprise

Full on surprise parties are, in my opinion at least, too much surprise. But a few surprises within an event you know the general plan of? That is the perfect amount of surprise! My bachelorette party had three, each of which made the night more special for me.

First, the way the apartment was set up and decorated was a total surprise for me—they wouldn’t let me in all day until the candles were lit and the party started. I loved seeing the grand pink reveal. The next surprise was an unexpected guest all the way from SF for the occasion! Lastly, my sister Willa surprised me with a special game.

Play The Fiancé Quiz Game

Apparently this is a game played at a lot of bachelorette parties, but I had never heard of it. My sister Willa has been to a lot more bachelorette parties than I have, and she knew it would be a hit. She surprised me with it after dinner, and having a chance for all of us to watch a video of Jack answering questions about me and us was a surprisingly moving and entertaining addition to the night, as well as a great way for my ladies to get to know him better.

Here’s how you play: film a secret zoom interview with the fiancé in advance of the bachelorette party. Ask them fifteen to twenty questions about their bride-to-be and their relationship. You can make these questions up, or pick and choose from a list like this. Some of the questions Willa asked Jack that were the most fun included: “Which one of you would do better on Survivor?” “What’s the cutest thing that Anna does?” “What’s Anna’s least favorite item of clothing that you wear?” and “What kind of animal would Anna be?”

Play the video of the interview for everyone at the party. After each question, pause the video and make the bride guess what her fiancé will answer. If she gets it right, the other guests drink. If she gets it wrong, she drinks. Or skip the drinking part entirely (which is what we ended up doing) and just enjoy the fun of the game!

That’s everything I learned about hosting bachelorette parties from attending my own bachelorette dinner party! I hope it comes in handy to you someday! I’ll be back here soon with some new recipes for you. In the meantime, here’s a poem by Kate Baer that makes me cry and reminds me of the special kind of love I share with my lady friends, many of whom I’ve known since I was just a small kid. They have stood witness to all the phases of my life—to every love and every heartbreak, to every triumph and regret. And though I’m marrying Jack in a few weeks, my tribe of women friends will always have my love, and I’m so thankful for their love.

Wishing you all lots of pink flowers this May,

xoxo, A